WHY IS IT SO HARD TO PRAISE SOMEONE SINCERELY?

Two weeks ago, our ESC leadership training had a session on how to cultivate a culture of Gospel honour—learning how to praise and affirm others sincerely. That stirred something deep in me. It made me pause and ask: Why is it so hard for us to praise others with sincerity? Why does it feel easier to remain silent, even when we deeply appreciate someone’s heart and service?

I think part of the reason lies in how we were brought up. We’ve been taught that modesty is a virtue. So when it comes to praising someone, we hesitate. We don’t want to embarrass them. We think, “They’ll feel paiseh.” So we keep quiet—not because we don’t care, but because we’re cautious.

Sometimes, we also fear being seen as biased. What if others feel left out? So to avoid misunderstanding, we say nothing at all. But in doing so, we leave a void. Everyone ends up wondering if their efforts mattered.

There’s also this cultural instinct we carry—to correct more than we encourage. Maybe it came from school, or from growing up in high-performance environments. We’ve been conditioned to look for what needs fixing, not what should be celebrated. And when people comment, we tend to hear the criticism more than the compliments—whatever was said before the "but" is usually forgotten, while the words that follow leave a deeper mark.

And then, there’s the fear of sounding fake. We don’t want to flatter. We want to be sincere. But our overthinking sometimes robs someone else of the blessing they needed most.

Maybe, at the deepest level, we struggle to affirm because many of us have never really been affirmed ourselves. No one taught us how. We’ve served quietly, loved deeply, but rarely heard the words: “I see you. I thank God for you.”

That’s why this session with the leaders on Gospel honour is so important to all of us. It’s not just about learning how to speak well—it’s about learning to love well. Because honour and encouragement are not extras in the Christian life. They’re essential. The Bible is clear: “Encourage one another and build each other up...” (1 Thessalonians 5:11), “…Outdo one another in showing honour.” (Romans 12:10)

Jesus modelled this so beautifully. He noticed the widow’s offering (Mark 12:41-44). He commended Mary’s devotion (Luke 10:38-42). He restored Peter after his failure (John 21:15-17). He didn’t just love in action—He loved in affirmation.

So maybe it’s time we start doing the same.

Let’s begin with our family, our CG. Let’s call out what’s Christlike in each other. Let’s notice the ones who serve behind the scenes. Let’s tell them their presence matters. Because when we honour one another in love, we reflect the heart of the One who first honoured us with His grace.

Let’s be generous with our words. Not because we want to flatter, but because we want to build.

Because encouragement isn’t fluff—it’s fuel.

Being His missional disciple,

Pastor Forest