…..A Word of Thanks and Encouragement…..
By Elder Lee Teck Meng

Dear All….

I did not have a chance to have a good talk with you all during mom’s passing away. So instead of waiting for such an opportunity, I thought it may be good to share these words as quickly as possible using modern technology before I forget the significant events and issues. I sincerely hope this means of communication won’t be too impersonal to you.

….On mom’s illness….

God has been kind to us all (four of us siblings - 2 sons and 2 daughters plus mom) throughout mom’s illness. It was only after her death that as we looked back at all the events, realized that God had been faithfully showing His hand of mercy and grace upon us all. Mom has been fighting cancer for about one and a half years. What I appreciate most about mom is her graciousness and consideration. She has shown many people that God’s way of grace and love can be very simple and uncomplicated. Mom is known for always playing the gracious host. For those of you who came for the first service that night, you heard mom’s eulogy. She was always making sure her guests are well fed, well taken care of. I hope we can learn from mom to be simple in our care for people around us. It is both so simple and difficult . Simple because it so easy to say a positive word of encouragement or to say “thank you”. At the same time it is so difficult because of our self -centredness. We hold back from saying thank you because we take others for granted. We feel that we have earned the right to be served instead of thanking them for their little act of kindness.

Just only on Wednesday night (5 May 04), all of us 4 siblings made a trip to mom’s church to present our token of thanks & appreciation to the church members and leaders. It happened to be their regular prayer meeting night, consisting of very much the same people who had been close to mom. We had a chance to chat with some of them and once again, discovered that God had been showing His personal touch of love and blessings upon us. One sister there shared with us that throughout mom’s illness, not once did she complain of pain and discomfort. Not once did mum complain to the fellowship of what the disease was doing to her. Mom maintained her cheerful disposition, being optimistic and refusing to be dragged into moroseness and depression by the disease. She said she and the others have been touched by mom's bravery and courage and faith in God. We could react with anger and frustration at God for allowing such a horrible disease to afflict us and very often this is the response. Even till today. But it was through mom’s illness and the way she coped with it that we learnt and understood that God does not necessarily always heal in the way we hope and pray for. Instead of removing the disease in the sufferer, He was patiently at work in our hearts, healing our emotions and ministering to our souls - we who were well and physically healthy. We could only see the pain and wished for it to be removed from mom, but God could see beyond that and healed our souls instead - that which could not be seen but so much more important than our physical bodies. The doctors could not heal mom's body, but God was healing hers and our souls.

….On mom’s membership in Bt Panjang Gospel Chapel….

Mom first set foot in that church when my second sister got baptized there. I have forgotten how long ago it was. My second sister brought my parents along to witness her own baptism then. There and then, Mrs Long , the wife of Edr Long who had been caring for us closely throughout mom’s suffering and death, walked up to my parents and asked them if they would like to come more often and join their little community. To her surprise and ours, my parents simply said yes. A few weeks after that , they themselves got baptized there in that church. How amazing and mysterious God’s ways are. We often refrain from sharing the Gospel because of our fear of rejection or because we are certain the person will never accept Christ. But God can simply turn a soul around and save him just like that, our job is sometimes as simple as opening our mouth to share the Gospel. It is sometimes as simple as making the invitation. We only need to do things simply and sincerely. The rest is God's work because only He can change hearts. It was only weeks ago that we found out from Mrs Long that mom was so simple in her faith and her practice of her faith. She told us that instead of the more mature brethren leading the way, mom brought so much joy to them because of her simple faith that made her love others around her so readily and so genuinely. Mom kept encouraging people around her. Asking abt their welfare, how their kids were, etc. Offering suggestions on how best to treat a stubborn cough or recurrent illness. We believe it was the sincerity that mom showed to them, that brought so much warmth & encouragement. This is what I mean by the simple things we can do to illustrate God’s love and care to people around us.

Mom was almost illiterate. She wanted so much to read the Bible but struggled so hard because of her lack of education. She wanted so much to read God’s word but cannot. Mom must have thought how greatly blessed we are - all of us who can read and even study God’s Word. This taught me and taught them that there are many people who need to literally hear the Gospel. Many souls in need of the healing Word of God. We only need to open our mouths. We only need to welcome those who have come knocking at our doors. God may be bringing these people to us to heal and save. Are we doing our part ?

….On mom’s death ….

Mom knew she would not be able to travel much anymore in her condition. So her last trip was to Melbourne to witness the marriage of her younger sister. We had a great time. Mom was really happy. We spent about a week there. Her other sister was there too , the one closest to her. It allowed both of them to confide in each other on more personal matters. Again , this was another  blessing from God, allowing emotions to be ventilated and healed. But on the last 2 days of the vacation, and after the wedding, mom’s condition took a turn for the worse. Now as we reflect, we believe mom had been quietly tolerating the severe pain, holding out for as long as she could until after the wedding.

After arriving back home in S’pore on March 4, she asked to go hospital the next morning. The pain was that bad. She hadn’t even unpacked. And so she stayed in there for 6 weeks where most of you all were informed about mom’s serious condition. I thank you all for your prayers. Through your prayers, we were well protected from all sorts of unseen harm and negative influences. The stay in NUH was miserable. Mom couldn’t eat . Whatever little she ate, she threw up. This was because her gut was all blocked. So if nothing can go down, it will have to come up. Its terrible. She never had a full meal right up to her death. She went thru radiology in an effort to stem the bleeding caused by the large tumor growing inside of her. I now understand the horrifying effects of radiotherapy. Though only once a day and only 3 to 5 mins per dose, it really exhausted mom. Made her nauseous. It was that powerful. We agreed that this could not go on , so we firmly decided to bring mom home on Good Friday the 9th Apr 2004, skipping her last few radiotherapy sessions. The treatment couldn't help anymore.

Mom was really glad to come home. At first she bravely tolerated the illness. We took turns to take leave from work and stayed with her at home. But as the days passed, we wondered if mom was holding out because of ‘unfinished business’. We were afraid that mom had something that needed to be resolved before her death . We prayed and prayed. And again, God answered. We just realized, why not just ask mom ? And we did that. It was that simple - or so we thought. She had become near bedridden. She no longer came out to the living room. Her walk to her bathroom just 10 feet away from her bed took forever. The nurse had to help her. She couldn't speak. It was that tiring to do so. The cancer had reached the final stages and mom couldn't even complete a sentence. But again, God was faithful. Through His mercy and grace, she managed to clarify her last instructions to us. We were greatly relieved. This was on Monday 19 April.

After settling this matter out of the way, mom’s condition deteriorate rapidly. It seemed she was holding out on this unresolved issue. Mom passed away on Wed, 21 Apr 04, in the wee hours of the morning, less than 2 weeks after coming home from NUH (and after coming home from Melbourne). She passed away peacefully in my second sister’s arms.

Her will showed me that the human spirit can be very much alive even though the body is near death.  I saw the strength of the human will to fight death. I also learnt never to assume the soul cannot hear us , simply because the body cannot speak due to severe illness. The body just cannot respond in the normal way, that’s all. It doesn’t mean that the person cannot hear us at all.

….On mom’s funeral….

The funeral was also a time of great stress. No time to grieve. There were so many things to settle and co-ordinate. It seemed we had ‘faltered’ on many decisions. We held the wake not at where mom passed away, but at my second sister’s home. Many of our non-Christian relatives were puzzled and a little annoyed because they felt we were not giving mom a decent funeral. It was seen as a poor show of filial piety. Their feelings were hurt because mom was also well loved by them. Their closeness to mom was evident in their many holiday trips together. We were therefore very distressed . We did not want to ignore the feelings of mom’s friends let alone offend them. We felt we had no right to.

The main areas of contention was that firstly , mom’s body was not laid at her home where she came back to live her last days. And secondly , we had the funeral for 4 days instead of the Chinese traditional 3, 5 or 7 ie, odd number of days. Me and eldest sis went to see our relatives  to explain our actions. They were kind and gracious. They were accommodating , knowing we were Christians who probably doubted such practices. We did our best to clarify. I sincerely hope they understand our decisions. We explained that Hillview was rundown and dilapidated because people were already shifting out of that estate due to the SERS programme. Hillview was dirty and smelly and we felt that holding a wake in that atmosphere was most impractical for visitors. Why it was in Bt Batok and not in eldest son home in Upp Serangoon, nor in my home in Bt Batok was another issue.

My elder brother’s home was too far away from the 3 of us. And why not my home ? My void deck was worst in that it was odd in shape so more difficult to erect a marquee. My sister’s void deck in Bt Batok was newly upgraded and clean with ample parking all round. It made great practical sense.

The next major issue was 4 days. We decided on 4 days because 3 days was too short a time to allow all of mom's friends to pay their last respects. We knew mom had many friends. We wanted to allow people to pay their last respects. Cremation on Saturday was convenient for people to  come after work. An even number of days for a funeral is taboo in Chinese culture because even numbers are divisible, thereby 'repeating' the occasion. Hence even numbers are always associated with happy occasions. Conversely, sad occasions (deaths) should not be allowed to be repeated. But God showed His greatness again. On the very first day after publishing the obituary, we bought newspapers at 6am anxious to see how it turned out. On 22nd April Straits Times, we opened the page and were shocked to see that all the obituaries immediately adjacent to mom’s were all :
1. ladies
2. Christian ladies
3. Four day long funeral affairs !

We were shocked to see that God addressed this without any ambiguity. To me , it was as if God was saying (and saying so clearly) 4 days is really no big deal. Don’t be troubled by such matters. That episode was crucial. Because it freed our troubled minds and allowed us to move on and tackle other more important matters on the way.

At this point I also wish to thank all of you in my CG for coming to offer your condolences. I had SMS Lionel and David to ask the CG to come . I really needed the comfort of familiar faces around me. Just seeing familiar faces was enough to know that you are crying with me. I honestly needed that comfort. I did not even expect words of comfort. It was not necessary. Your presence was enough. Sometimes we don't have to say anything. Its the comfort from knowing that someone cared enough to share that moment of grief with you. This is another simple way to show our care and concern to grieving brethren around us. It is simple but it can bring much comfort.. 

…..On being a son, a husband, a father and an Elder…..

I now understand what it feels like to lose a mother. It is very different from losing a father. A mother’s love is unique. So is the pain of losing one. It may sound callous but I do consider it a precious experience since I now can empathize better with others suffering similarly.

From observing mom in this difficult period, I have also seen that a mother knows her children through and through. She knows without doubt, when and how her children are trying their best to love her as they should and ought to. She knows. Such is the depth of a mother's love. A parent    can always tell when their child is being filial. Even when the child doubts if his/her actions will be understood. It must be most heartwarming for any parent to receive love and expressions of love from their own children - no matter how feeble the attempt is. Our H'venly Father too, likewise, knows when His children are trying to please Him. He honours that.

On being an Elder...  well , long before this , I was seriously doubting my abilities to take up this office when I was approached to stand for eldership. I simply felt too inadequate for such a responsibility. Sister Rau Ko was correct when she encouraged me and told me in no uncertain terms that God is being honoured. We should expect more blessings from Him in return. Wait and see how God will use you to be a blessing to others and to further His work in His Kingdom. Look forward and expect to see how God will engage you in His work. I had always thought that it is enough to do simple things like teaching Growing Strong or Sunday School or whatever small menial tasks. Now I see that all these things do add up to the overall calling to glorify God in whatever we do. No task is too small nor too big that God’s Name cannot be glorified. Now that I am an elder (and only since the beginning of this year), I am reminded that :

‘God causes all things to work together for good to those who love him and are called to His purpose.’ Romans 8:28.

The harvest (God’s work ) is plentiful and the labourers are so few. Many times, God’s work is more important than our personal insecurities. It is an honour to be involved in God’s business of redeeming souls. God’s love and care don’t come in strange and supernatural forms. They often appear in the simplest of ways we often overlook and ignore. Simplest of ways. A prayer of thanks. A prayer of comfort. A word of encouragement. A gift of love. An act of kindness.

We can do so much by doing so little, if but only it is blessed by God.

On that first Sunday, 25th April after mom’s cremation on Saturday , I was exhausted from the weeks events and felt I needed to rest. But I awoke in time for the 0730svc. It seemed absurd to skip church in the name of rest. How can I , especially after having received His tender mercies and several times at that ? As I sat at the back of the church, I saw the preparatory hymn flashed on the wall.

“Great is Thy Faithfulness”.

I cried .

Then I sang. I sang loudly. I sang with so much conviction.
I sang because I realized I had seen the faithfulness of God.

Elder Heng Cho Choon was seated at the duty table at the back of the church because he was standing in for me in case I did not turn up for duty that morning. He was also quietly weeping when he heard me crying softly. Though we did not exchange words nor looks, we heard each other. It was an unspoken conviction that God’s Faithfulness is and was indeed Great.

We should never doubt Our Father's love.

Peace

Numbers 6:24

Teck Meng
7 May 2004
(revised 22 Aug 2006)